Minx and the Mirror

Drill me
Really go on and penetrate my bones.

Fill my cavities
And take pictures all you want.

Stick things in my mouth
I'll gag and even dribble a little bit.

Role play
I'll be the patient, you be the sadist.

X-rated Bertie Germ
Invite me in, minx and the mirror.

Tainted Booty

Beyonce booty
Filling the most of her pants

Gaddafi blood money
Filling the most of her pockets

Cash stoked booty
Dictatorship cushioning

And Bond ready to tap it
Ready to tap - dat - ass. (The man for naughty Bee-hinds)

A not entirely surprising love triangle.

Reynolds. Now Rs.10

They gave me a black one.

Silver coloured ribbon and star motif
Reynolds, racer gel waterproof ink
Sachin says, you can depend on it always

Turn over the scrunchy-sound packet.

Soft grip for comfort
Sleek and stylish body design
Rumble line rip at top

I wanted a blue one.

1 of 3: Ninja Cow

Camera toting Steven Frew
Smooshed from above
Spine snapped in two:
Ninja Cow.

"Oh, amazing!", gazing Suzanna Gough
Never saw the sword
Head cut off:
It's Ninja Cow.

Five-star regular Mitch Ricard
Loosened chandelier
Heart stabbed with crystal shard:
Bad-ass Ninja Cow.

Just bought a buddha Mee Wei Ming
Flying horns and hooves
Terminal bruising:
Ooooo Ninja Cow.

Won't eat curry Andrew Pope
Dark alley, meets black-belt bovine twins
Never had a hope:
Ninja Cow... DOUBLE TEAM!

2 of 3: Haiku Cow

Cow. Stood on the street.
Chews. Doesn't moo, takes a poo,
Couldn't give a fuck.

3 of 3: Sentimental Cow

Cows behind my eyelids
The imprint of a day on the streets.

Today one turned his head and feigned attack
Taking the piss

And when they take a piss:
Concrete splash-back.

I'm lucky, look at me
Laughs red-tooth man

I look at him, he's wet
Lucky he's not shit-splattered.

I've never heard a moo
The silently superior type

But I suspect they chant Om
At the conclusion of morning yoga.

An unlikely parking warden
An effective stop sign

No grass for you
Urban bovine from the Far Side.

Apolopathetic.

I'm sorry with porridge
I'm sorry with cheese.

I'll learn Flatley's foot-tap
If it'll put you at ease.

I'm a sorry piece of sushi
I'm a sorry mushed banana.

I'll commission a sorrowful song
Composed by Santana.

I'm a remorseful hand-stand
I'm a remorseful karate chop.

I'll repent with a high dive
I'll jump right from the top.

I'm remorsefully cart-wheeling
I'm remorsefully skip-jumping.

And if foot-taps and songs and reverse three and a half somersault tucks are just not enough...

Well then, you can give me a thumping.