Wedding-ding-ding-ding.

Here are two pieces that surfaced on my wedding day.

"Jarrah, Superman and I" was stolen from me by my best man at the tender age of 7. Back then I didn't know he'd be my best man and until my wedding I didn't know he was a thief.

One day Jarrah came to my house. We played superman. Jarrah tried to jump out of a tree. He did. He shouted "supermans got me." I said "come down superman!!" .O.K.!!! He came. He said "what's your name?" I just stood there with astonishment. ".O.K. then I'll leave" "No! No! don't leave." I still stood there. Then superman said "let's put him in hot water." "No!!!!" I said. "Hey do you want a ride into space you two?" ".O.K. said Jarrah ".O.K." I said. "Then let's go." We were never seen again.(1)

... ... ...

"Wedding Poem" was written at the request of Euan. The influence of The Lonely Island is a little alarming.(2)

No one else knows
No one else has noticed
The lights, the lights
The lights!!
(The lights goddamit)
JIZZING EVERYWHERE...
On my wedding day.

No one else feels it
No one else has extreme sensory
Sensing organs like me.
The floor, the floor
The grey speckled, partly cracked
concrete 24 square metre floor.
I feel it
It's underneath my feet
Jizzing subtly
So subtly, on my wedding day.



(1) Story recreated without any chang e to the grammar of a 7 year old.

(2) For the origins of "Jizzing" see The Lonely Island's debut single "Jizz in my pants"